BREAK UPS BY MONA



My roommate and best friend in college was going through a serious break-up. This guy was a level 10 douchebag and she was in that "can’t eat, sleep, or listen to the radio" without crying phase. We decided to go to my house to escape our college town and forgo the sorority party we were meant to attend that night.

We arrived at my house and my mother was there ready with her arsenal of good advice. "Honey, he sounds like a loser that wasn't worth your time." (She was right by the way.) My mother was hell bent we get our butts to that party and show him what he was missing. However, my friend had a massive headache and hadn't eaten a bite in days. My mother disappeared to her bedroom and returned with 2 forms of medicine for my friend, a hug for me, and a wad of cash for us to get costumes for the party. We raced back to Ruston, fashioned some questionably risqué costumes and hit the town.

I noticed after a time, my friend was not quite...herself. If you can imagine "Weekend at Bernies" with a tiny blonde you would be on par. At some point during the party she was almost like a "hot cop" photo prop. I knew how much Franzia we both consumed and so I was perplexed. I dialed Mona. She calmly says, "Oh, Honey, I gave her some valium, did she take both of them at once?" I calmly reply, "Mom, you gave my friend drugs?!?" Her response was epic. "I sure did." (Well played, well played.)

I come out of the bathroom to see that ex-boyfriend has arrived at the party and is hunting down my super relaxed friend. He storms up to her, waiting for some reaction. She of course, couldn't muster any reaction. This made him a bit more angry that she was not playing into his dramatic entrance. I wont share all the details but I will say, Mona was right. My friend went on to find the right guy and we learned to never let a dumb boy ruin our party plans.

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